« Houston - We Have a Problem | Main | Pass Me The Petard Peter »

July 10, 2006


Jon Husband

As you and I (and many of the others we know through this medium) are over 40 and have some life and work experience ...

... what have we learned so far about trust and identity ? How many times have you (or me) trusted, with people we know 9or knew), worked with, played with, lived with ... for that matter, how well do we actually know and trust ourselves ?

Yes, of course we will get used to forming (and growing, and ending, too) relationships online. It will always be the same dynamics .. I believe many people trust others as a default setting (and thank goodness for that, or else that whole consciousness-differentiates-us-from-animals thing is useless), and lose trust when betrayed, fucked over or lied too,

In every single relationship, the same dynamics operate .. and those who are cold-blooded or insensitive enough to not care about betraying or lying, etc. will be assholes whether online or off .. and vide-versa. Some of the people I have met and grown to know online I KNOW would be staunch supporters if ever i needed a hand, or an ear.

Earl Mardle

Exactly Jon.

I was thinking this morning about that and I realised that my default position is to trust. It came home really clearly in Stockholm in May when we had about 200 people; finalists for the Challenge,gathered together, workshopping and conferencing etc.

At one stage we were milling about chatting and a bit of skylarking and a couple of the Philippinos (younger ones, maybe 17/18) were standing behind me, joining the melee over my shoulder and for some reason, at one point, they said its OK, you can fall backwards, we'll catch you.

So I did, and they did.

Now I have a dodgy back and I didn't know these kids for more than a few words; but I trusted them and I was right.

Im damned glad to get to 55 and still be able to do that. Remember too that I am a lifelong pessimist, but while I always assume that the worst CAN happen so i should be prepared for it, and I have plenty of evidence that the worst DOES happen, and sometimes to me, for some reason I accept that most people, by a huge majority, bear me no ill.

The universe is not malevolent, it just doesn't care. I wonder how the world would look if we all, truly, understood that we only have each other.

Jon Husband

That's it, that's all.

I think I believe that there's a few trul;y bad, dishonest people here and there, but I have a really hard time believing that even they were born that way.

I do believe that we live in socializing systems that teach us to be anxious, fearful, and so on ... and that teaching takes a long time. What's interesting about that is how strong the impulse to trust is, and remains, for many people.

I have been burned more than once. My default setting is still oriented towards trusting, but I do ask questions when I feel the need.

This issue, for me, is one of the reasons I have used my name and identity on the Web. I'll be damned if everything in the world is so crap that I can't walk through it, online OR offline, except by "being" someone other than me.

And I suspect the same for you .. I've met you, and I don't think Earl Mardle is a pseudonym.

The comments to this entry are closed.